


Complimentary Desperation  and Domesticity

by silasfinch



Series: Horses and Hope [2]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Character Study, Epilogue, F/F, Forgiveness, Gen, Horses, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Protectiveness, Relationship Negotiation, Snark, Soft Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:22:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28514895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: An epilogue of sorts.Relationship Negotiation and Navigation, Flaws and All.The language of horses
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Series: Horses and Hope [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088810
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Complimentary Desperation  and Domesticity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rysler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rysler/gifts).



> Happy New Year Everyone.  
> I am on something of a roll during my break. I'm tempted to try writing some truer dominance scenes in this universe.  
> Let me know if you think that would be an interesting or fun experiment.  
> I will hopefully be riding next year so will have plenty of first hand horse knowledge :-)

_"I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight."_

Eve learns about Oksana Astankova in 365 days of actual effort. 

There were times early in their engagement when Eve freely admits to wanting to do _anything_ but know the brilliant young rider. An obsessive lust and fascination in no way equate to genuine intimacy. Oksana was the perfect target for her latent lesbian desires, willing to display and tempt any woman within the wider United Kingdom. In a way, she and her beloved, dramatic horse are a perfect match. 

Plenty of novelists have written chauvinistic and misogynistic books about the topic. While her affair with Oksana was the day's scandal, it wasn't that surprising to the people who regularly deal with them. They were experiencing complimentary desperation. The more surprising thing for people like Bill and Carolyn is that the blaze of intensity still has embers. The notion of Oksana and Eve functioning as a genuine _couple_ takes everybody, including them on guard. However, the seasons turn without any major new dramas or near stabbing of vital organs. 

Somehow Eve was expecting to adjust to a relationship with one of the more modern labels like polyamory. Despite, all the drama inherent in the beginning, Eve didn't expect Oksana to behave conventionally. As with most things regarding the younger woman, Eve intends to take the different realities as they come, including realistic monogamy discussions, trust and communication. So far her companion shows no interest in reconnecting with the woman that flitter in her orbit, even the ones that offer pretty diamonds are poetry. 

One of the more unusual things to realise about Oksana Astankova is that she _**doesn't** _have a particularly high sex drive or appetite. The more intriguing aspect of all those women, including Eve, is the ability to have challenging and interesting interactions. Said so many months ago, Oksana's words are true; she has an almost pathological aversion to being bored or lacking stimulation. If she weren't raised in an underfunded orphanage in Russia, maybe she would receive a diagnosis, but such notions are meaningless now. 

"Those horse's eyelashes are too pretty for me to be jealous, but I still consider her a rival for your affection. The ways to get me to look at you with big doe eyes are much more fun." Oksana is laughing as she sneaks up beside Eve. 

Eve smiles but continues brushing Hestia's coat. The young mare is in prime condition and thrives with the herds, both at Carolyn and Bill's stables. Oksana's prediction that she will love having a horse again is accurate. There is great pleasure into taking her out for long trail rides and gallops. Hestia doesn't have the fancy bloodlines of Villanelle, but she does come from exceptional breeding. 

"I keep telling you; it's your fault my attention is divided in the first place, you gave her to me." Eve repeats the words with a genuinely affectionate smile. 

Everything you want to know about Oksana as both a rider and a person is visible in the 48 days before the competition. Technically Eve doesn't need to be there anymore, not as a vet. She likes to see Oksana on game day, and she owes Carolyn at least quick look at the horses to make sure they are in shape. It's largely a pointless exercise; there is no way Carolyn will let anything happen to her beloved horses. 

"Doesn't mean I don't need grooming and expert examination regularly too. As for some of the more creative uses..." Oksana begins, waiting for Eve to come out of the stall. 

"You are rather greedy and insatiable for somebody who is days away from going up against some of the best riders in the world. We had enough adventure to tide you over last night.” Eve leans over and gives Oksana a gentle and welcoming kiss. 

"How can you sound so surprised by this fact. Isn't that the whole point of having a much younger Russian mail order bride situation?" Oksana replies, drolly. 

“One day you are going to say such things in the wrong company, than what?”

“I’ll watch you tie yourself into emotional knots trying to explain, before pointing out that I have at least three more zeros in my bank account, and that we are about 200 days past the 90 Fiancée mark.” Oksana says as if she thinks about this question allot.

“As if you have the patience for such an interaction, you’ll invite them watch them scurry away in panic.” Eve predicts with a knowing smirk.

***

_"She certainly thinks highly of herself." Geraldine says disapprovingly._

Oksana is as prideful as a peacock with new feathers on display. Her horse is almost the same way. Watching the two prance around in the ring doing warm-up is more amusing for Eve than frustrating. Villanelle is thriving being at competition level again while Oksana likes showing off. Their form together is a wonder to watch. The grooms have done an outstanding job with the horse's coat. The musculature that is the hallmark of her blood in is on full display. 

"Stop showing off, Pretty Girl. We all know how good you look, like a model pair ready to get first place. You still need to take her through the actual exercises." Eve calls from the side of the fence. 

Oksana Astankova does not take to training at all well. There is more of a negotiation than instruction at play. Eve cannot claim to have any expertise in the training of the animals she treats. However, she has enough working knowledge to guide Oksana through the work she already knows by heart. She is mainly doing this favour because she enjoys spending time with Oksana.

In contrast, other members of the stable and yard do not, in no uncertain terms. The two women have the place to themselves for the next half an hour. Kenny practically pays her to take over what is technically his job. Oksana Astankova is impossibly arrogant, but she does have the skill to back the statements up, usually. 

"You are lazy with the turns, Oksana. You can't rely on being the best in the room forever."

"Stop overthinking everything, Eve. Villanelle could do this exercise in her sleep and half lame. You know this better than most, having seen her grow from a foal." Oksana points out, logically bringing her mount over to the railings. 

"Don't use the 'L' word in my hearing, Sana. It gives me nightmares this close to competition." Eve says with an angry scowl. 

"Superstitions are for old people who don't know better. Words have no power in the real world." Oksana tries to grin. 

"Well, words had the power of you last night." Eve is gratified when Oksana doesn’t have a comeback.

***

_"Her metabolism and vital organs are in for a shock when she gets to my age." Carolyn predicts with almost grim satisfaction._

Oksana has a tremendous appetite for all things that please her. In a way, she is a glutton for life. Eve is still in control of her budget, which is a matter of pride. However, she lets Oksana buy as many desserts and sweets as she wants, provided she has other foods to go along with the sugar selection. Eve does not claim to be any great cook, but the veterinarian can put together a handful of decent meals. Over the months, it becomes something of a ritual to feed Oksana in the led up to a major competition; otherwise, she is likely to forget. Existing on snacks and gum is not healthy when Oksana is still recovering from a major fall. 

"You know we have the money now to pay people to prepare meals for us. We could even try that eating sushi off a naked woman thing, that was on Instagram a while ago." Oksana offers as she accepts the plate. 

"That would be a hard limit for me, in this life and the next." Eve insists on a firm look.

"Oh come on, different food styles are all over social media. You are always going on about me eating more and expanding my tastebuds. Why not try something that we will both enjoy on multiple levels." Oksana baits Eve with a wicked smile. 

"Aside from the human rights degradation. They will be using cheap white rice and substandard salmon. Why would we pay for that price for those few months of Instagram filters." Eve mutters, getting ready to rant. 

***

_"Your girlfriend is possibly planning on murdering that veterinary tech who keeps trailing after you." Kenny warns with genuine fear in his voice._

Oksana is jealous and possessive in the strangest ways; perhaps such quirks come from wealth and privilege. Eve doesn't pay too much attention to this tendency. Surely, their stumbling path to get to this point is proof enough that Eve is in it for the long haul. However, it's important to nip these things in the bud before they get too out of hand. Kenny is already jealous and resentful of Oksana's position at the stables. Besides, it doesn't do a vet's reputation any good to have staff in peril. 

"Chiesa Fletcher is an extremely competent vet tech who is doing her rotation with me. She is also the following A) extremely straight b) mad about her Norwegian boyfriend c) working with me to get practical experience before her certification. You have a more realistic threat from the girls at the club, but you are all friendly." Eve points out as she comes up to Villanelle’s stall. 

"She gets to see you more than I do these days, bonding over rain rot or whatever." Oksana clips out crossly without looking up from her grooming task. 

"Which is completely natural in the days leading up to a competition and demonstrably not her fault. We will have plenty of time together once the circuit is over. There will be no assistants or schedules interfering with your plans." Eve says cheerfully, leaning against the stall and patting Villanelle on the nose. 

"Until Sunshine or one of the other charity ponies at Bill's stable develops weak lungs again. Then you'll be in the barn all night _again_ , for no money, _again._ " Oksana predicts as she checks over her mount's positioning. 

"Such is the life of being a vet's companion. At least then your competition is under 12 hands and lacks opposable thumbs. Stop theatrically sulking and get your head in the game. Insecurity is an awful look on you, even under all the makeup." Eve replies seriously. 

"Go away, Eve." Oksana hisses and scowls. 

***

_"You think she would be willing to chip in for the basics, considering she stays here more often than not?" Jess says with her usual, slightly bored tone._

Oksana has two moods-- completely focused or sloth-like and looking for attention and or soothing. For somebody who prides herself on the air of mystery, the woman can be easily figured out once you have the key. Eve doesn't bother to defend her girlfriend to anyone, including her closest friends. They may largely accept this new relationship, but that doesn't mean they understand the dynamic. It would be pointless to try and find words for something Eve doesn't understand herself. Their relationship possesses more equality than it may appear on the surface. 

"In my one concession to vague domesticity, I come bearing a clean dress shirt, jacket and jodhpurs. Eating slices of pizza in the last set wasn't a good idea, Sana. The judges are still fussy about rider presentation, even if they are looking mainly at the horse." Eve lectures as she hangs up the items in the changing room. 

"Don't act so noble, anyone can see you have a thing for me in the pony club costume. You were the one that insisted on open communication about our wants, that includes admitting kinks." Oksana teases in a theatrical board tone. 

"Please, I am an equine vet. Quantifying my attraction to you is not as simple as the competition regulations. One pair of black boots fade into another after a while. We wouldn't need the professional guidance at the club if things were that simple." Eve points out gesturing to the space around them. 

"Is that a challenge to be more distinctive in the way I present myself, Eve? Would you like little signs of style and flare?" Oksana asks thoughtfully, her eyes lit up with the challenge. 

"Go out there and win, Oksana. You don't need any more encouragement to show off. You'll drag me shopping in the weekend, find pretty accessories then." There is not a hint of command in her voice. 

Oksana knows enough not to respond to the undertone, but her smile is blinding. 

***

_"Eve, your girlfriend is a petty arsehole. How you put up with her is beyond me, and most of the people you consider friends." Bill grumbles with a shake of his head._

Eve can't disagree with such an assessment on the face of it. Oksana can be unbelievably petty and vindictive for no apparent reason. Telling her competition that her boyfriend cheated with a groom is mean spirited. The rider in question seems to enjoy tormenting everyone in the field and payback in fair play. Oksana's rival is still in the grounds somewhere, not texting said loser boyfriend at least 100 times an hour to the best of Eve's knowledge. 

People often don't understand that Oksana Astankova is _better_ and less apologetic and rivalries that exist in all aspects of professional life. Yes, she doesn't have an especially active conscience with certain things, but it's not as dramatic as the community's temperamental members like to claim. The taller rider looks immaculate in her formal riding outfit. Eve has to resist the urge to mess up the perfect braid of long blond hair. Oksana had lost points before if they got too enthusiastic with their pre-show activities. 

"That was a bit obvious, wasn't it? Normally your mind games are subtler or at least more creative if they were dramatic." Eve comments as she comes to stand behind Oksana in the locker room. 

"Our relationship is far more interesting and exciting, you don't see us posing for selfies and hashtags every two seconds, do you?" Oksana grumbles while keeping her attention on the mirror. 

"Well, that's mainly because most of our significant milestones or moments will violate the community guidelines. You would adore to be on display, if it were legal and we weren't part of a conservative profession." Eve bites her lover's neck, an expert in applying enjoyable pressure without leaving a mark. 

"That's not fair. I won't be done for hours tonight, and you'll be in the front watching me. Distractions are only fun if you can act on them." Oksana whines piteously, leaning against the other woman. 

"Consider this something like a personal incentive to produce a perfect round. We can have days to enjoy ourselves without the pressure of reviews." Eve whispers against her check before moving away. 

***

"Well, congratulations on winning again. Villanelle was an expectational on that last turn. The judges were practically swooning." 

"It's almost offensive that you sound so surprised. That field was no competition, not since Carolyn did her 'sexual healing intervention.' Oksana over-emphases the last part comically. 

Oksana still manages to look glamourous, fresh from the shower and in her version of casual street clothing. The bright orange and blue sweatshirt still stands out like an 80s pop video, but there is no sign of heels or expensive jewellery. Her girlfriend is an exceptional athlete, doing better since her recovery from the fall. Even somebody so young and fit will feel the side effects of three days of competition. For all her arrogance, there were some excellent riders in the field. There is little use suggesting that they relax for the next few days, Oksana will seek stimulation elsewhere. 

"That's not precisely how I recalled the events, you are earning the raise you all but blackmailed her into giving out." Eve compliments with a knowing grin. 

"Don't be silly Eve, Carolyn will never leave herself vulnerable to real blackmail. We negotiated my worth in definite terms."

Eve snorts at the understatement. Carolyn Martens is famous for not losing her temper. However, Oksana Astankova is equally well known for being one of the few people who can push her buttons to meltdown level. Rumour has it that the older woman has seriously unresolvable issues with Russia as a whole. Oksana's approach to life and debating brings those feelings into sharp relief. Elena says there were plenty of bad words in multiple languages. It takes an awful lot to make the assistant blush. 

"So, how do you want to celebrate the occasion, Miss Astankova, if winning is such a blasé experience for you now? Eve asks in a teasing tone. 

"I think if you can drag that towering intellect of yours away from hoof and colic reports, you could imagine the types of non-horse related fun on offer?" Oksana replies flirtatiously as she deliberately invades Eve's personal space. 

"Well, I did have to incentivise you to keep up your PT exercises and do those 'boring' bonding drills with Villanelle. It's only fair if you collect on the bargain." Eve agrees with a show of reluctance. 

"You were kind of attractive, playing the role of Dr. Horse Whisper, throwing out technical terms and measurements. It was all completely unnecessary of course, but stimulating in other ways for sure." Oksana leans in and kisses Eve forcefully. 

"I don't just hang around these events for the love of elite competition and seeing the Arabian breeds at their absolute best. After all, I'm not on the payroll anymore." Eve starts playing with Oksana's hair, still damp from the shower. 

"That little secret was out somewhere over Midred when you sat in on my training drills with Kenny. The most boring man alive." Oksana quips back. 

Her girlfriend is an expert at removing the woman's outfits. She has her hand up inside Eve's shirt within seconds. Eve considers protesting, but the pleasure of the sensation is rapidly outpacing any conceivable objections. For all the talk about the excitement of 'sneaking around' little compares to being with Oksana in this way. The work of communicating was humiliating and frustrating, but it was worth it in the end. 

They aren't the secret scandal of the tour anymore, and there isn't a husband waiting at home. The almost completely deserted Martens Stables make an excellent spot for this kind of activity. There is excitement in the highs of their passion, that tipping point between just enough and too far. However, put Eve finds the slow burn of expert control almost the more tempting prospect. Knowing that the foundations are safe; however hard, they choose to push the boundaries on any given day. 

"I did make very specific promises if you won, didn't I? it’s only fair that you collect, mmm?" Eve offers a token amount of resistance in her voice. 

"This time you are going to leave marks, I’m done with these play-bite things. The neck that you covet so much doesn't need to have an open collar for at least a week. Plenty of time for things to heal up and look all presentable again." Oksana tilts her head encouragingly. 

"Tempting." Eve confesses trailing kisses down the skin that she can easily reach. 

"I paid the grooms and security staff to be elsewhere for the next hour or so, plenty of time for the first act and then some." Oksana whispers a gleam in her eye. 


End file.
